Friday, August 26, 2016
I told her you were very handsome (of course). But then she rephrased her question for me... "No, Mommy. How did Daddy's face look when he saw how beautiful you were."
This is romance as told by a five year old. She imagined you, dropped jaw, gazing in awe at my beauty. She's clearly been reading too many romance novels. I'm quite fond of this version though.
Later, I imagined this conversation if you had been there. I think you would have demonstrated your "beauty awe" face, and it would have been similar to your "stinky trash" face. I would have "hmph"-ed, and you would have grinned. Louise would have scolded you too. But then you would have corrected yourself.
I told her what you always told me... that it was my smile that you noticed first. I think I'm going to adopt her version for future tellings though!
I love you, babe.
Saturday, August 20, 2016
In the past: resigning from a job that I loved, losing my husband to ALS, losing my dad the same year
In the future: figuring out how to get back to work, struggling to be a good single mom
Many sources of stress and woe.
But right now... in this moment, life is pretty damn sweet.
I won't take this golden moment for granted. The rest can wait until tomorrow (or the next day).
Sunday, August 14, 2016
It always seems strange without Tony; something (someone) is missing. The celebrations are always shadowed by that for me, and then I get frustrated that I can't just enjoy the moment. Well, that's never going to go away. I will carry this for the rest of my life. The girls won't remember "normal" celebrations with Tony... they'll just know he's not here with us. I shouldn't expect it to go away, but maybe it will be easier as time passes.
I'll do my best to enjoy and savor these moments, after all, what's important is that I'm here. I'll make sure to tell the girls how proud Tony is of them. And I'll allow myself some time to be broody... I think it's the best way to learn to carry this.