But sleep doesn't seem likely on this leg, and the numbers really don't distract me for long.
You see, I'm in a state of confusion.
Barely a moment has gone by where I haven't thought how lucky I am to be experiencing this trip. Thinking of everything that lays ahead in the next two days renders me excited to a degree - as my brother aptly described it - akin to a child on Christmas eve.
But there are fleeting moments where I experience emotions at the opposite end of the spectrum. The first time it happened today was when Darla at the United Airlines counter said our flights may be delayed by a day. In response, I confided in Darla, "You see, I have a terminal illness, and this is the beginning of a dream trip I'm taking with my Dad and brother...we've got to make our journey on time."
I think that was the first time I've looked a stranger in the eye and played my card; the card. It wasn't easy.
It's strange how bringing the good in close contrast with the bad can amplify your emotions. Im a lucky person in so many ways, and then I have ALS. The fine emotional line between those two states is a confusing, almost disheartening place to be. I think a remedy may be in order.
I'll see if I can't daydream my way up out...daydream about the days ahead, my entire family, laughing with Dad and Martin, and recounting this trip to anyone that'll listen and the smiles it will bring. But if we're daydreaming about smiles, then I may just need to focus on my favorites; those belonging to Amanda , Cora, and Louise.
Darla, thanks for shipping us out on time.