The big dates on the calendar seem to trigger a few days of brooding. Birthdays, holidays... this time it's the first day of school. Louise is starting kindergarten tomorrow, and Cora starts third grade.
It always seems strange without Tony; something (someone) is missing. The celebrations are always shadowed by that for me, and then I get frustrated that I can't just enjoy the moment. Well, that's never going to go away. I will carry this for the rest of my life. The girls won't remember "normal" celebrations with Tony... they'll just know he's not here with us. I shouldn't expect it to go away, but maybe it will be easier as time passes.
I'll do my best to enjoy and savor these moments, after all, what's important is that I'm here. I'll make sure to tell the girls how proud Tony is of them. And I'll allow myself some time to be broody... I think it's the best way to learn to carry this.