Sometimes you don't realize you've been in an emotional rut until you climb out of the chasm and are able to stare at blue skies.
My most recent rut has been precipitated by a notable decrease in the quality of my speech. People that haven't seen me in a while often struggle to translate the noises I make into the intended word or sentence. Amanda has been the yardstick by which I've casually monitored the quality of my speech; if Amanda can comprehend what I'm saying, I'm good.
Unfortunately, in recent weeks, even Amanda has struggled to translate what I'm saying. I think there was a brief emotional apex before I took a nosedive in to frustration, anger, and self-pity. The cliche of the emotional roller coaster could be aptly applied here.
I think the question that caused me the most angst was, "What now?" I thought there was no answer to that question.
But there is an answer. Part of it is adapting simple messages into facial expressions - winks, nodding my head in a certain way, and simple sounds. The other component that comprises my solution is to finally start using my eye-controlled computer to talk for me.
Yes, my voice sounds like it's borrowed from a SatNav device. Yes, conversations take longer. But it's a solution.
Blue sky thinking,eh?
Take the positives where you find them,mate. The love of an incredible family,your friends,your bottomless strength. Nothing in this most hellish of diseases can take those away from you.
Neither will it crush your spirit.