I seem to be in a bit of a funk. I can't really say when it started, and it's not an all day thing, but it's also not usual for me.
Maybe it's because my husband died two months ago. Maybe it's because I'm trying to learn how to be a single mom to two wild and crazy girls. Maybe it's because I always feel exhausted and I need better sleep habits. Maybe it's because the full moon fell on a Monday, and the Yankees struck out last week.
I'm sure it's normal, and I'm sure it's to be expected. What I need to figure out is how to fix it. I was pretty good at improving Tony's mood, and he was always the best at improving mine. Perhaps that's the clue... the guy who could always cheer me up isn't here.
I guess that leaves me with some work to do... find that mood-o-matic that can get me back on track.
I'll let you know what I discover.
My dear Amanda, it is perfectly normal! I cried every night for months after Ken died. But eventually things will get better....hang in there!
ReplyDeleteIt seems like the normal progression to me. Normal: yes. Fun: not so much. After the initial shock of the loss, even though you knew it was coming, and then the distraction of all the funeral busy-ness and wrapping things up and making it through the day on a kind of auto-pilot, a couple months down the road is when it all hits ya like a ton of bricks. Right? Been there. Done that. Got the damn t-shirt. I found a few things that helped get me through the funk-ness of the first few months. So I'll share. Music is a super mood-booster...even if you're just going around the house picking up laundry and cleaning toilets, some upbeat music (preferably bluegrass of course haha) can chase the blues away for a little bit. And if you dance while you're at it, you get extra mood points. Then there's the physical mood lifter aspect: take B and D vitamins, drink lots of water to combat the moisture lost in those millions of pesky weepy moments, and especially now that it's getting hotter. And for help sleeping, there's an amino acid that you can get at the health food store called L-trypophan (the same one that's in turkey...which is why we all pass out after Thanksgiving!), and if you take it with dinner by 9 or 10 you should be drowsy and comfy. But it's not like a "knock-out pill" or anything, so it's not hard on your systems. And as for the weepy moments, you just have to let 'em happen. Choking down your sorrow just makes it come back stronger later and when you aren't expecting it, like when you are trying to do the grocery shopping or sitting at a stop light, or out to dinner with friends or whatever, so just give yourself a little personal space in which to grieve. Ain't no way around it. Sorry! There are positive things you can do to work through your feelings, many of which you probably already do. I recommend lots and lots of hugs from your family and friends, and if you feel the need, talk to somebody. They have super nice folks at Hospice who are helpful and kind. And just because you are the closest thing to Wonder Woman I know around here, it doesn't mean you don't have little chinks in your armor. And really, that is a good thing. Those chinks let the light in and the tears out, right? And doing nice things for yourself like taking walks or doing yoga or taking naps with a good book will help you make it through. Or mediate if you are so inclined. I've never been good at it personally, since my mind never shuts up, but I hear it's awesome! Same goes for acupuncture. When you get to feeling a little spunkier, plan a trip with the girls. Plant your summer garden. Take a dip in the creek. Have drinks on your lovely back deck and commune with the spirits all around you. You will find yourself feeling better as time goes on. Time is the only thing that will really heal your heart where it hurts. I remember being afraid at one time that when I stopped grieving hard that it was because I was forgetting the people I had lost. But it's not like that. You won't ever forget your sweetheart, so don't worry about that. But you'll get to the place where you can forget the agony of the loss, at least most of the time, and focus on the sweet stuff and your eyes won't be leaky faucets anymore and you will once again feel like your normal, radiant self. Shine on, Sister!
ReplyDeleteruth