For the past few months, I have avoided thinking too much about you. At least, that's the best description I have. You are constantly on my mind, but I avoid focusing on you... it's just too raw. I have read all the cards that have come in, but then put them in a box. I've gone back and looked at a few things we have done, but I've mostly just tried to get through the day in front of me.
In the past few days though, that has changed a bit. I read some of your old blog posts (a shit ton happened in the last year), I read the eulogies from your service, I read some of the wonderful emails you got in the last months, and some of the comments people left for both of us.
It makes me cry, of course, but it doesn't feel quite as painful as before. I'm loving those wonderful descriptions of you, the stories of the impact you had, the words of encouragement.
Those last few days with you were really rough. I think this is helping me remember past that... remember when you were more you. I could ever forget your amazingness... but a little reminder seems like a good thing.
love you, babe.